Toaster Too Short, Bread Too Tall

From February 2009.

I'd bought the uke (a Kala Mahogany Tenor Archtop!) in Jan and started writing songs on it. This was probably one of the first songs I wrote on uke. The tag line actually came from a poster on one of the uke forums. It was just too tempting and too good to let languish in uke forum obscurity -- the uke forum in question isn't defunct, but it did change servers (or whatever) and all the old posts were lost.

One of the greatest thrills I've ever had in my performing life was at a house concert and seeing the Gorman Family Dancers dance an original dance to this song. I wish I had that on video!





Toaster Too Short, Bread Too Tall

My friends call me up and they are worried
But they can't understand, oh no!
Though my toaster's still under warranty
It doesn't toast from head to toe

CHORUS
Toaster too short, bread too tall
Toaster too short, bread too tall
Why I bother getting out of bed at all
When my toaster's too short and my bread's too tall.

There needs to be a standard bread size
To avoid this calamity
The government needs to legislate
This threat to national security


I can overlook the big things in life
But the little things have so many details
If they could only be fixed right now
Every day wouldn't be a living hell.